I met you before i met you.
I loved you before i met you.
17 years old.
Didn’t know who i was or what i was.
I will never forget the first time I heard your voice
1996- in the front seat of a friends t-top-ed nissan 300zx
Your voice came thru the speakers and pierced.
It was a sound I had never heard before.
It broke through the rib cage, the muscle tissue, bypassed every organ until it landed somewhere deep the center of my heart.
it was unlike anything i had heard or felt. Penetrating, Exotic, intoxicating, hypnotic and powerful beyond words.
It still can’t be described. There is no definition.
It was freedom. It’s was pain. It was boundless.
It made me feel ok, and safe while at the same time, unbridled, wild and free.
In 2009 i got the chance to meet you thru work. I couldn’t believe this was possible. A closeted rock and roll wannabe movie agent gets to sit with an idol.
I will never forget the first meeting.
Green army pants
Brown, beaten-to-hell boots, laces unraveled and open at the top.
White thin t shirt.
And, the token, cornell, oversized, cashmere,cozy sweater lazily wrapped around your 6 foot frame.
Badass, black irish curls, taking a nap around your face, not giving a fuck.
But in that first meeting, behind the facade of the rock god, was the most gentle soul and eyes, that when for the briefest second, met mine, spoke a profound poem of love, curiosity, depth, and with a snappy sarcastic, humor and wit.
We bonded quickly.
The jew from canada and the legend. I referenced my favorite movie moment in one of my favorite movies, Collateral, being the one with the coyotes with Shadow on the Sun playing in the background, literally changing the complexion of the entire movie. It’s one of the great, existential, profound, poetic things I’ve ever seen on screen.
So here we are , The black irish gentle man who hailed from the gods sitting in my office.
Cracking low volume jokes.
Cracking himself up.
Actually, very sarcastic, but with a deep subterranean connection to everything that he said and felt.
Not a word was wasted.
The jokes were deeply rooted in truths.
Everything was rooted in truths.
The next day, my cell phone rang with the UNKOWN NUMBER on the screen.
I picked up.
There was a low volume voice already mid stride and mid sentence on some rant about politics and the world. The voice was raspy, quiet and frisky. That was the beginning.
I loved our hikes.
I loved our pace dinners.
I loved our phone conversations that were at times, about absolutely nothing but just connecting.
I loved watching you try to get off Diet Coke.
I loved you giving me shit about Lars.
I loved our collaboration on machine Gun preacher.
i love that you recorded those songs in your closet.
I love that you gave me the songs that you didn’t put in the movie.
I love what you brought to my life.
Your last damn text to me was a 90’s picture of Lars with a note stenciled in pink by you saying “I love you Coop, call me, best Lars”
I will always wonder now if there was more I could have done.
There was a fragility.
There was a purity.
You changed the world.
You made people FEEL.
Your heart matched your voice which matched your love for your Vicky and beautiful children.
You are the highway.
You are the shadow on the sun.
You are the stone
You were a DIAMOND.
I will never forget you and carry you in my heart.
The world was lucky to have had you in its orbit or rather we, in your orbit.
Every time I want to feel something, I take a drive, usually on Mulholland. When i need to fucking FEEL something. And it ALWAYS has been and will forever be YOU, that will bring me there….. the windows go down, the sunroof opens, the driver’s seat slips back , I AM THE HIGHWAY GOES ON, and then a slow, languid, warm, syrupy, proud smile forms and within one second, HEAVEN. I am free. Everything is ok.
Today, its not ok. You left too early.
We are all heartbroken and also grateful to have had your spirit and soul indelibly imprint us.
We love you and always will.
Your spirit lives beautifully in the eyes and souls of your wife and beautiful children.
We will love them and support them and forever cherish what you gave us and this world.
Love you friend……